precocious?

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about me

It's Amanda Dara Amadea Susilo, but I'll go by the name Dara Susilo. I'm a Redwood, I got hazardous impetuous mind, and act precociously. I am rare, odd and inconspicuous.
15 years old fresh daisy, a proud Indonesiana with loveable words. I smell like an old wooden cabinet, but I'm told Victoria's Secret would make me smell nicer, so I got one.
What else? Read and judge, love.

extra infos

: I don't like ice cream and candy. I hate Alexa Chung. I love Arctic Monkeys.

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Tuesday, 2 November 2010,08:04

Ever since my heart pounded for the last time

Ever since I forced a laughter for the last time

Ever since I fakely cried for the last time

My world is dead

As dead as the revolving world

As cold as the summer wind

The daredevil dare to speak

It says, "Would it kill you if I do?"

Taken away far, oh so far

From the vast prairie I used to call home

From the warm valley I used to lay on

From the heart I used to hide in

Gauche noises deafened my precocious hearing

I tried to fly, I got shot down

I tried to swim, I got tied down

I tried to see, I got blinded by the stares

World, oh my mean world

In a mean, mean burrow of mean people

Hearing mean, oh mean hissings and noises

Should I be as mean as those?

In order to live the mean life?

Monday, 13 September 2010,23:24

All We Ever Do Is Say Goodbye - John Mayer

I'm seriously in love with this song.

Just when I had you off my head
Your voice comes thrashing wildly through my quiet bed
You say you wanna try again
But I've tried everything but giving in

Why you wanna break my heart again
Why am I gonna let you try

When all we ever do is say goodbye
All we ever do is say goodbye
All we ever do is say goodbye
All we ever do is say goodbye

I bought a ticket on a plane
And by the time it landed you had gone again

I love you more than songs can say
But I can't keep running after yesterday

Why you wanna break my heart again
Why am I gonna let you try

When all we ever do is say goodbye
All we ever do is say goodbye

We say goodbye
We say goodbye
We say goodbye

All we ever do is say goodbye

23:21

What If?

I’d probably never love again. It’s not that I’ve got my heart broken by a foolish teenage love affair or anything else. It’s not like I’ve got my mind fucked up or like I’d never gonna love my family again. But I do, I do feel like my whole life, I’ve been trying to love everyone, treats em well with less of hurting. But in the end, what did I get? None of them to love me back. Well, I know how my parents have always said to be there by my side, whoever I am gonna be, whatever I am gonna do. But dare they forbid me to do the things I love, just because only a little undestructive harm that might occurs. Why can’t they trust my capability in things I love for all my life?

I don’t believe in teenage love affair anymore, I don’t even believe in those saying that high school is where you’ll find your first love. I can’t even figure out the true definition of love itself. People do say they love each other at the altar, saying vows that don’t mean much. They all did say they love each other, but then ends up cursing each other at the court. And looking up at those married couple, for heaven’s sake, do they honestly love each other? I don’t even think my parents do ‘love’ each other. I honestly don’t even think I love my parents beyond measure. I am so doubtful about this thing, cos, well.. All of my life, I’ve never ever found a true meaning of love. My parents do get along after 15 years, but what it’s all about? Is marriage only all about that? Being together for years?

I’m gonna marry a nice guy, someday. I’d probably have children too. But then, what if I’ll marry a wrong guy? What if there’s somebody out there who’s actually made for me, but time won’t let us be together? What if those married couples weren’t actually made for each other? What if their love of their lives are out there, marrying wrong person too? What if they could have a happier life with a complete stranger instead of their longtime lover? What if love is actually blind? Would you let a blind thing to lead your future?

So, do you believe in love, now? Cos I still don’t.

Monday, 6 September 2010,20:47

Masalah Adolesen III

Well, I guess this just ain't right. Have you ever felt like you really wanna have someone in your possession? Have you ever felt like jealousy is taking control of you, and you can't take control of your anger and hatred toward someone who's actually as innocent as the rose? Have you ever hated someone for being nice to the person you.. well. You like?

Ir's funny how could I become the person I hate in just a month's time, never ever liked a hunk this much. But well, what could I say? He's charming and all that, who wouldn't want him, anyway? Oh guess, this is where the story started..

It was a bloody Thursday, I didn't feel like doin anything right that day. That was my second week in 70, and all things don't seem delightful to me.. Until I signed up for extracurricular activity that afternoon, I was told that there'll be an introducing gathering at what they call 'Markas', so the time the bell rang, I raced up there. I really am liking that club so much, I used to talk about joining the club all day, even before I got accepted at 70. So well yeah.. I was full with joys the time I got there. Meeting those unfamiliar faces for the first time, and those introducing sessions. We were going to have our first rappeling experience for the first time. And yeah.. those kind of stuffs. I got a little accident, my arms were a bit injured, but everything went well. I almost jumped from the second floor, when the rope wasn't well-tied, yeah it cause the injury.

So yeah, skip that part.

I made a perfect landing, and that was my first time rappeling, but something caught my eyes, even more eye-catching than seeing frogs mating each other (I dunno why I compare it with this), he was all warped up in a fine blue-jacket, marching to markas, and passed me by. I could tell from the look in his eyes how he's not really excited in meeting these new kiddos, by any means, us. He sat there, with other seniors giving him fives. And I was like, all tied with rope all over my waist, stealing some glances to him. "He's fine. But kinda cocky." that was my first thought about him, and well that was all my first impression about him. I went home and didn't get any thought about him again.

But everything changed, that was my second week in that club, I admit it how he stole our attention, but never thought that I'd have such a serious feeling to him like this. We were going to do what's called Jumaring for the first time. That was like.. Climbing up on a tree with stuff named Jumar, that is where it got its name, Jumaring. That day was Davin's birthday, so like, my Momma keep hurrying me up, keep sending texts to me, telling me to go home early. But I just can't refuse to stop stealing a glimpse of him. He smiled a lot that day, laughing along with every jokes we made, way different from that cocky charming guy I met. And THAT was, where I realised how I'm wanting him so bad.. Imagine having him in my arms, with those jealous eyes staring at me. Wouldn't it be great? I just can't stop staring at him, and he stared at me back like saying "Yeah? Wanna say something?" so I tried to keep my eyes away from him, but I just can't.

Til my Momma called me, raised her voice, telling me to go home, like, right now. And I haven't even done my jumaring! So, like, I told my aud that I gotta go home. I've already got my webbing well-tied on my waist. My aud was like "Oh, oke deh." and I thought she was the one who's gonna tied me up to the tree, until an armed arms pulled my webbing (note: webbing is tied to waist), pulled me closer to that person.. Til I fucking realized that it was him, tying up my webbing to ropes. We were so.. close, I could hardly breath. And all I did was staring at his fingers, dancing on my waist without any particular permission. If only that wasn't him, I would dare say it was inappropriately rude.

So that was it, I started to pull myself up, with him giving me commandoes on what I have to do. I was such a hypocrite, I tried so hard not to smile or showing my lunatic grin, and pretend like I was focused to the jumar. That was kinda delightful how he touch my ankle, telling me to gain power from my left ankle, and so on. And bet his favorite word is "Nice." cos he kept saying it each time I pulled myself up. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I DUNNO WHY THIS SEEMS FUNNY FOR ME.

Well, that's all. His real name is started with the letter B, but he got this stupid nickname (N--something), and too bad we call him with that name. Hehe.

19:54

Banyak Jalan Ke Roma, Bung

Remus dan Romulus benar, bahkan kau bisa jalan kaki ke Roma. Tak perlulah kau tumpangi burung-burung besi untuk jejakkan kakimu disana. Aku berjalan kaki, dan, toh, kita sama-sama sampai bukan?

Bung, kau bilang aku sudah kalah tengah jalan, bah, persetan dengan itu. Aku sampai disini, kan nyatanya?

Kau bilang aku ini petarung yang kalah? Maaf Bung, pemenang sejati datang terakhir, kejutkan musuh-musuhnya dengan kehadirannya yang tiba-tiba.

Bung, aku suka sekali saat kau menatapku takjub tak percaya, aku disini juga, hoi! Kau takkan pernah berpikir aku akan bersaing denganmu lagi, ya kan?

Aduh, aduh, Bung, masih kah kau begitu naif untuk mengakui kalau Tuhan itu Maha Adil? Dia bawa aku kesini!

Marilah kita sisip teh hangat dahulu, Bung. Relaks, dan tersenyumlah. Kali-kali kita bisa berkongsi kali ini? Atau kali lain?

Intinya, Bung yang kuhormati, kau akan melihat wajahku yang kau muaki selama 3 tahun ke depan.

..eh Bung, dan disinilah Roma-ku. 70 Bulungan.

Tuesday, 10 August 2010,14:23

Kami tersenyum; ia tersenyum

Dan janganlah kami berdusta, kami memaki dengan senyuman!

Kami tertawa; ia tertawa

Maka terkutuklah kami yang munafik

Kami yang memunafikan diri,

termunafikan kemunafikan,

dan mati digerus kidung kepalsuan

Dan Tuhan mungkin murka

Gempurkanlah buanaMu yang indah, Tuhan!

Apalah artinya senandung-senandung rindu,

cinta dan keabadian,

jika yang kami lihat hanya mereka yang palsu?

Dan bintang yang lebur menertawakan kami

Kami yang buta, menatap namun tak melihat,

kami dengan lisan kami yang bisu,

kami dengan fantasi kami yang rancu,

kami yang berilusi palsu,

ucapkan kedamaian, saat jari hina kami menodai kejujuran?

Diam

Diamlah kalian manusia,

manusia hina dengan kalimat kalian yang menuduh

Benamkanlah kejujuran kalian,

diantara hiruk pikuk memekakkan,

diantara riuh rendah mereka yang jalang,

dan sorak sorai kemenangan mereka yang buta!

Diam

Pintaku; Tuhan remukkanlah apa yang tersisa dari mereka

Lumatkanlah mereka dalam kekejianMu

Lalu berseru mohon ampunlah mereka,

cecurut-cecurut dunia,

yang kusebut sampah, dan ironi

Kupinta lagi; Tuhan bunuh senyuman mereka

Lagi; Leburkan tawa riang mereka

Mereka, manusia! Dan keramaian yang menjejakkan bekas

Lalu kini ku kembali diam,

lalu mereka pun terdiam

Dan apakah Tuhan terdiam juga?

Manusia, bukankah ragaku dan lisanku yang hebat ini,

sama hina dan kejinya?

Dan aku manusia.

Sunday, 18 July 2010,02:18

Kami Yang Bahagia, Dan Kami Yang Kalah

"Indonesia, yang dengan sedih kucinta."
-Ayu Utami

..dan lalu gegap gempita pesta empat tahunan itu berakhir dengan gue yang begitu bahagianya, menangis, mengacuhkan hardikan Indira yang bilang bahwa gue malu-maluin. Dan lalu gue bangkit dari posisi-menyembunyikan-tangis gue, kembali menatap dengan kedua mata gue yang membelalak disertai jantung yang berdegup-degup kencang. Terpesona, menatap kagum tim yang gue bela mati-matian dari tahun 2008 akhirnya mencium trofi kebanggaan itu. Lagi-lagi, mengacuhkan telfon dari Om gue yang sudah menunggu lama di depan.

Jadi pagi itu gue kelewat bahagia. Kami, anak-anak lulusan SMP yang begitu bersemangat merayakan kemenangan tim Espana kemudian berteriak-teriak lantang dalam perjalanan pulang kami. Gue sangat bahagia, bahkan pikiran gue yang labil sempat beruap hendak lari-lari ditengah jalan, mengumandangkan kemenangan mereka, tapi kemudian gue begitu lelah, dan akhirnya jatuh tetidur dengan Rere, Indira dan Anzal yang lebih memilih nonton Sex and The City daripada jatuh dibuai tidur lelap yang memulihkan.

Dan esok paginya gue mendapati diri gue terbangun dari tidur paling dalam tanpa mimpi yang menyenangan, kemudian gue singkapkan selimut yang mengungkung gue. Kemudian dengan senyum yang merekah berjalan keluar kamar, begitu sesak dengan kebahagiaan menggebu-gebu melihat headline koran. Terlau bahagia sampai akhirnya gue terjatuh pada sofa.. mengaduh dengan ironi menyakiti relung hati gue..

Oh! Mereka menang! ..tapi kapankah kita akan menang? Kapankah gue bisa menangis dan tersedu merayakan kemenangan tanah air sendiri?